Why talk to your children about sex?
Surveys with young people tell us that they want to talk to their parents about sex. They want to hear your opinions and what you believe.
Young people will find out about sex from somewhere – the media, friends, gossip etc. There are still lots of mixed messages and myths confusing young people and it is important to help them sort the facts from the fiction.
Research shows that talking to young people about sex delays first sex and reduces unplanned pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs).
There is still a lot of shame and embarrassment attached to talking about sex in our society. It’s important that young people feel confident to talk about sex so that they feel able to say no to sex and only have sex when they feel ready and are confident to negotiate condom use, ask questions and seek advice when they most need it.
When should you talk to young people about sex?
Start conversations whilst your children are young - they will ask questions and it is best to be honest from the beginning. (No storks or birds and bees!).
Think about what you want to say beforehand, i.e the key messages you want to give and questions you may want to ask.
Don’t wait until they bring up the subject – ‘open the barriers’ for talking about sex and initiate a conversation or discussion. If you wait until they mention it - you may never address the topic! Even if they are embarrassed and do not engage in the conversation at least you have then given them the ‘ok’ to talk about it in the future.
Try to respond immediately to a question – or the moment could be lost if you dismiss it and say you will discuss it later. If you don’t know the answer to a question – don’t be afraid to say so – maybe find out the answer together.
Don’t think you have to give every bit of information when a question is asked. The young person may not be able to take in too much information or be mature enough to understand.
How should you start the conversation?
Be honest and open. Children will ask questions about their bodies and where they have come from and it’s important not to confuse them.
Use the media – TV soaps, adverts and magazines often talk about sex and relationships sometimes it’s easier to start conversations by talking about other people.
Use websites, books or leaflets to help you if you are not sure what you should say.
Ask your child what they know and for their opinions so that you know what they would like to find out.
Express your own beliefs and values around any question or topic; but also acknowledge that not everyone thinks in the same way and has the same opinion and this should be respected.
Find out what they learn in school and when they learn about sex so that you can ask them about the class to start a conversation.
Use appropriate language that you feel comfortable with.
Be aware of local services and support for young people – you can refer them to these or use them as support yourself.
National Support where parents can get help
For help and advice in talking to your children about sex contact Parentline Plus on the free confidential 24-hour helpline 0808 800 2222 or visit their website http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/.