Everyone has a sexual orientation and sexuality!
Sexuality is how someone expresses themselves sexually – what they are into, what turns them on, what type of sex they have or would like to have.
Sexual orientation is more specifically about who someone is sexually attracted to. This could be the same sex, the opposite sex or both.
Someone can be attracted to the same or opposite sex without actually having had sex yet or without calling themselves gay, lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual (or straight). For many people their dreams and fantasies are the first clue to who they are attracted to.
Sexual orientation can change over time. Some people will always be attracted to the same sex and others to the opposite sex. Other people are attracted one way and then, when they are older, are attracted to the other sex. This can be because some people realise their sexual orientation later on, or because they try and suppress their orientation or pretend to be someone they’re not to meet others’ expectations.
Being gay, lesbian or bisexual can still be met with stigma in our society, although things are getting much better. There is now greater legal equality and protection for lesbian, gay and bisexual people and there are more famous lesbian, gay and bisexual people in the media. Being lesbian, gay or bisexual should not mean someone has a hard time or be discriminated against.
However sometimes people can have a bad reaction or be discriminatory – often referred to as ‘homophobic’ - often this is because of ignorance and fear – things that can be changed over time through awareness raising and educating people.
Coming Out
Most people still assume that people are straight unless they are told otherwise. Coming out to family and friends can be a worrying time, it can be really difficult to know what people’s reaction will be.
It’s best that someone tells someone they can trust and feel accepted and supported by. Some people tell their best friend, their mum or a telephone helpline first – it's up to the individual. It’s also up to individual to choose when they tell people. Some don’t tell others until they leave school or until they get to know someone. There’s no right or wrong way to be lesbian, gay or bisexual (or straight!) – it’s whatever’s right for the individual.
Sex
This site is about sex and sexual health. Hopefully most of the pages will be relevant to all people whatever their sexual orientation. Even if someone thinks they are gay or lesbian, there may be times when they have sex with the opposite sex, so it’s good if they know how to keep themselves and their partner safe, as well as have a good time.
Safer sex and using condoms is the same for straight and gay people. Some infections are more common among young gay men (e.g. HIV) and others are more common among young heterosexual women (e.g. Chlamydia).
People should only have sex when they want it, with the person they want it with. It’s an individual right to say no to unwanted sex. It’s a myth that all gay men have anal sex and that lesbians don’t have ‘real’ sex. Through experience everyone find things they like and dislike.
Support
If someone is lesbian, gay or bisexual or thinks they might be and wants a space to chat or has any concerns there is information and support available from gay youth groups (e.g. Allsorts) gay community groups (e.g. Brighton Lesbian & Gay Switchboard) and sexual health organisations (e.g. Terrence Higgins Trust). Allsorts also offers support for parents of young lesbian, gay or bisexual young people and training for professionals on issues like dealing with homophobia.
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Allsorts: Tel: (01273) 721211
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Brighton Lesbian and Gay Switchboard (5pm-11pm): Tel: (01273) 204050
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Terence Higgins Trust: Tel: (01273) 764200
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